"Lana Has Many Costume Changes"
Some movies are good. Some movies are bad. Some movies are so bad they are fantastic. This is a staggeringly bad movie that is so fantastic you may find yourself urging friends to view it with you. Because, really, who wants to be alone the first time they see Lana Turner wearing green hot-pants with a matching jewel encrusted jacket?
Lana plays a Doris Duke/Barbara Hutton style heiress with too much money and too little love. She's married to beach bum Cliff Robertson who she met when he donated blood to her after her a suicide attempt. Who says there aren't any new places to meet people? Lana's being pursued by gigolo Hugh O'Brien (!) while also being investigated for the death of another gigolo-possible lover, Billy. Did Billy commit suicide because of Lana? Billy's girlfriend Stephanie Powers is determined to find out until she gets distracted by blood-donating gigolo husband Cliff Robertson. By distracted I mean that she falls in love with him after a 5 minute...
"Love is thin ice"
During the second wind of her film career after the huge scandal of the Johnny Stompanato stabbing, Lana Turner made a series of very glossy, very odd melodramas: IMITATION OF LIFE, PORTRAIT IN BLACK, BY LOVE POSSESSED, MADAME X, and this very strange film about wealthy American women and their gigolos in Acapulco. One of the gigolos washes up dead on the beach, and because he wears a gold bracelet (with the engraved inscription from my review title) from his former lover/keeper Turner, the attention of both the police and the gigolo's wholesome Michigan girlfriend (Stefanie Powers) focuses on Turner. The suggestion that murder might be involved makes the film seem initially much more interesting than it actually turns out to be: mostly it's just lots of anguish and misery being paraded before our eyes along with the beefcake and swimsuits. While Turner's wealthy socialite character is supposed to be the most miserable among the wealthy and suntanned (thanks to her inability to bear...
Good Looks Are Not Enough
First, the good news: this DVD from Sony/Columbia features a beautiful transfer in anamorphic widescreen, with sharp images and bright colors.
The bad news is that the movie itself is one of the weakest entries of its type, with a yawner of a script and some of the most ridiculous dialogue you're ever likely to hear. I'm actually a fan of soap opera-type melodramas such as VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and THE CARPETBAGGERS, but this one is totally forgettable. Its biggest weakness lies in the fact that all the significant characters in the story are dull, unhappy people. They smoke a lot. They drink a lot. They hang around the beach in tight swimsuits. They trade grumbling insults like "You're ninety-percent MAN, ten-percent RAT!"
A film like this MIGHT have turned out to be a keeper if it contained a few lighthearted moments or even fell into the so-bad-it's-good category. Alas, it's so intent on being serious "adult" entertainment that it gets itself stuck in...
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